The Aion server queue survival guide
September 22, 2009 – 1:54 amPosted by: Danemark
The Aion server queue survival guide
So you pre-ordered Aion and you’re super excited to jump into the game during the headstart release that’s going on right now. You’ve set aside a whole block of time for your game play, you have your snacks at your side and your DVR ready to play some great entertainment while you grind your night away. You type in your username and password, accept the EULA, select the server that you made your character on during the pre-selection annnndd…..
…you get slapped in the face with a 2 hour wait time.
Don’t worry, we’ve been there. Trust us on that. But here at Massively, we’re not going to let you down in your moment of need. We’ve compiled a great list of fun things to do while you wait for that server queue to drop. Follow along after the break, and we’ll be happy to show you the golden road to boredom elimination.
Play another game on a console or a simpler game on your PC
If your looking to get some gaming in while you wait, you can always turn to your friend, the console. They haven’t let you down yet. You can usually jump into a game, play it for a while and get something done, and then jump out just in the nick of time to go play Aion. It’s like gaming recursion. You can put a game on your game so you can game while you game. Booyah, boy-ee.
Attempt to be productive
Homework is a good idea. So is completing that report that your boss wanted on his desk by 9 A.M. tomorrow. We heard that if you get things done while you wait for Aion, the server queue fairies move you down in line based on your good deeds. True story.
IM your friends and tell them how bored you are
“For added Aion effect, make wooshing noises when you get on your flying mount, then dismount every minute and tell people you’re waiting for your wings to recharge.”
If you’re in pain, then your friends should be in just as much pain as you are. We recommend firing up an instant messenger program that runs multiple messengers at the same time, then you can annoy as many networks as possible.
Bonus points if you grab one of those fancy messengers that can do Facebook and Twitter as well. Then you can put up annoying status messages that tell everyone exactly what spot you are in line and how much time is left before they let you into the server.
Play World of Warcraft
For added Aion effect, make wooshing noises when you get on your flying mount, then dismount every minute and tell people you’re waiting for your wings to recharge. When going up to Northrend, tell your guild that you’re visiting, “The Abyss.” Call the enemy faction the Elyos or Asmodians. Say aloud on the trade chat that Arthas is one hell of a Balaur. Do all of this and you’ll make many friends, we promise.
Order Domino’s Pizza once every 30 minutes
The only flaw to this plan is you now have to come up with something to do while waiting for your food to arrive. Honestly, you’re on your own for that. This is the guide on how to waste time while waiting for Aion, not the guide on how to waste time while waiting for a pizza. On the plus side, you can do some great stuff while actually ordering the pizza if you order by phone.
Bonus points if you get your pizza delivered by a man named Khan.
Buy angel wings at your local costume store
It’s almost October, and that means that short-term costume shops are popping up all over the place. If you’re willing to spend a few bucks, drive out to that same halloween shop and pick up some angel wings. Proceed to put them on, go home, and then run around outside your house pretending to fly. If you’re Elyos, try to help everyone in sight even if they don’t need your help. If you’re Asmodian, hiss loudly and awkwardly at everyone that passes by you.
Read blog archives
If there’s any blog we recommend, it’s this one. We hear their writing staff is pretty awesome, especially that editor named Sera Brennan. Their base also belongs to them — a feat unheard of in these times. Truly this blog’s staff is made of gods amongst men. We bow to their glory.
Sleep
Zzzzzzzz….. what? Did you say something? Am I drooling again? Darn.
Make yourself a newspaper sailor hat
This may not take the entire two hours, but by the time you’re done you’re going to be the coolest person on your block — no joke. Would we lie to you? We think not.
There are a few places on the Internet where you can find instructions on how to make these hats. As to where you can find newspaper, well, that’s your problem. When in doubt, pilfer from your printer. That’s pretty close by (usually) and then you don’t even have to get out of your seat in order to waste time. So not only are you wasting time, you’re also accomplishing being lazy and looking stylish. This option is seriously the trifecta of win.
“So not only are you wasting time, you’re also accomplishing being lazy and looking stylish.”
Take your invisible pet out for a walk
Walk down your sidewalk holding an invisible leash. When someone walks past you, pretend to be jerked around violently by your invisible pet and scream, “Down boy, down! Stop trying to bite the nice (man/woman)!” Proceed to apologize profusely for your pet’s behavior before continuing to walk down the street. Repeat process until they let you into the server.
Attempt to solve the problem of time travel
This option will, most likely, take longer than two hours to complete. However, you will probably have to log into Aion more than once. Server queues will, most likely, also be increasing once the game launches officially. Therefore, choosing this option will keep you occupied for this current server queue wait time, and any future server queue wait times.
Attempt to win in EVE Online
This option is very similar to the option above, except harder. Much harder.
Watch .hack//SIGN, the anime series
We recommend this because when you’re done, you’ll realize that server queues are the least of your problems. You could be physically stuck inside of an MMORPG. Think about it. You could never, never, never, never, never leave trade chat. Ever. By the end of that, you’d probably be happy to be in a server queue. Then you would have silence.
Also, Subaru has wings. ‘Nuff said for you Aion fans.
Make sock puppet daevas
Get a black sock, put wings and eyes on it, it’s your Asmodian. Get a white sock, put wings and eyes on it, and that’s your Elyos sock.
Put the Elyos sock on your right hand. Put the Asmodian sock on your left hand. Engage in hardcore PvP until one sock stops moving. Then, use the winning sock to call the hospital and tell them that one of your hands is broken.
And, lastly: Discuss how bored and angry you are with others on the Aion forums
These people understand your pain and they’re there for you in your greatest moment of need. Plus you can naysay the game into oblivion and explain to everyone how Aion is going to fail based on their horrible release.
Remember, the game is going to explode in a great ball of fire due to this insulting release, but you’ll gladly wait in line to play it anyway.
Now if you can all excuse me, my server queue is up and I can finally see the character select screen.
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